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Another series. yay! I call this the “What’s in a name?” series and listen, I really love the idea of dropping stories along the ride with a clear through-line and link to past posts. I will be posting blogs related to this series so let me introduce you to this one to you. This “series” came to me when I was thinking about my birth name and what it means (culturally and personally). I was actually celebrating my name and the story behind it when I thought, why not create a series where I celebrate my siblings’ names too.

Most African cultures take the naming ceremony of their children very seriously because in most cases, your name precedes you. Moreso, your name can become somewhat a “prayer” and/or declaration upon your life and can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. Naming. Is. Everything. Even though I decided to write about my siblings’ names, I wouldn’t dare tell their stories on their behalf.

What I am doing in this series though is, I am exploring the meaning of their names as it pertains to my own life lessons (and covertly shouting them out too). Each of their names actually exemplifies a value or principle I have encountered and am in the process of embodying as well. Lowkey, I have seen my siblings live out the meaning of their names too so that’s why this series was fun and sentimental to write.

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Sooo…here we go! I am starting with the first born in my family, my older brother. He is a basketball fan (sports lover in general) hence the MJ. The pic that has nothing to do with the blog, but it is a nod to my brother. His name is Kudakwashe which means “God’s Will”. It is God’s will. I have heard this said so many times and in different variations of it, including mainstream iterations of this “concept” too – “God’s will”. I think after a while, I started to become numb to this concept because it used to evoke feelings of either joy or fear (church trauma). I never could quite separate myself from it, maybe it is some of that catholic guilt still lingering in my energetic sphere.

A large part of my healing thus far has been about coming back to a new understanding of these two very powerful words – ‘God’ and ‘Will’. Have you heard (or contemplated) about the fate versus destiny debate? Some people believe we are here by design, to follow a path already laid out for us (fate). Whilst others believe we are here to fulfill a path, one that we create (destiny). Like everyone else who contemplates this kind of existential stuff, I have had to wade through the waters of this mystery called life and try to hang on to perspectives that breed light. What do I believe then, when it comes to fate or destiny?

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Well, that has evolved. Through the lens of despair, disappointment and depression, I leaned towards fate. When filled with hope, faith and love, I leaned towards destiny. When I have accepted who I am as a co-creator, destiny and fate are fluid. I believed God’s will (fate) can inspire by inducing pain that kicks me into divine gear, what I call God-Will (destiny). When I was a child, most painful experiences were explained as God’s will, as part of the larger plan that we had to endure. That I was subject to what God wanted for me, and what God did to me.

To be resilient was synonymous with living out God’s will. That didn’t always empower me to be honest with myself, but it taught me to shut up and “stop complaining”. Sidenote, it isn’t always a bad thing to lament, as I would learn in my adult years. It is part of our responsibility to be honest about our feelings and frustrations to ourselves, to others and to God. But there is a point where you are just straight up whining and that wastes everyone’s time and energy including your own.

Ok, now back to what I was saying. When it comes to God’s will, it felt like I was being taught to understand God as a puppet-master of sorts and had to look at the strings as part of the package. I get to be loved and rewarded by following the path laid out for me.

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But, as I grew older of course, I looked back at some of the “rebellious” moments I had as a child and observed I wasn’t fully buying into that theory. It would manifest itself in moments I would question authority, social norms, rules, traditions and I would have visceral reactions to some of these “truths”, etc. I have walked with God, with a perpetual esoteric red carpet being rolled out for me, to make choices and live out a destiny of my own – as I work with God. Fate is about God’s will, but I believe destiny is about God-Will.

God-Will to me, is about the stuff I am made out of. God-Will is about the blueprint, the soul-print, the DNA which contains both the instruction manual and the ‘secret’ code. On the other hand, God’s will in my eyes implies a mandate, an order, and even a judgment at times. God-Will: I am it; you are it; we are all existing as the will of God. God knows everything, to me it means then you must know something at the very least, right? I feel like fate makes us feel less than, like we know nothing at all and at its worst like we are nothing at all.

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Meanwhile, destiny invites us to the table for a conversation, to come humbly and confidently to this thing called life and take a swing at it. With this in mind, I will expand on my initial stance and add this. God’s will to me has become a starting point. The starting point that allows us to build our sense of selves, with some friction, so we can actually take necessary steps to more spiritual growth. The more victories we gain that come from God’s will, the more confident we become.

When we stumble, and we lose some battles as well as some wars, we face the choice to tap into something else, God-will. These pivotal moments for many of us have been written about in so many books, take your pick. My favorite is The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. In pursuit of what he calls the “personal legend”, all the trials we face only serve to either strengthen our pursuit of our greatest dreams or to give up. Fate is only the beginning, an invitation to knowing about God’s will, the “mandate” as I called it. God-Will becomes the next stage, to embody the essence of our true nature.

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As the Sufis say, “know thyself”, which is exactly what God-Will is. We are intended to reignite truths that already exist in us so we could live life as God intended, as the supernatural beings we are. Instead of holding ourselves hostage to one aspect of the journey (Fate), our eyes are opened to many possibilities (Destiny). God’s will and God-Will become about the stages of becoming our truest selves versus a purely dichotomous experience of Life.

We are all connected to the Divine. It is absolutely pointless to believe I can tell you something new! Of course not. The truth really is written in our essence as other amazing beings who have walked this earth have already said. Most importantly it is written in a way only you can understand and unfurl, how precious and amazing is that? I really hope you’re willing to find out. Thank you again for stopping, stay unbowed!