1.

One of the most fascinating parts about “healing thyself” is recognizing what’s changed. It is akin to waking up one day and hearing all the sounds you have been surrounded by in your environment differently like it’s the first time. Prior to that moment, your situational awareness may have been zeroed in on things that were familiar to you. Either because you enjoyed them or because they annoyed you due to the monotonous nature of that exchange. This healing thing allows you to traverse different terrains and become anew, including in how you hear and see things.

The miracle is that even what you used to love and get annoyed by changes its meaning and your interaction with it as well. The definition of what joy and peace mean evolves and starts to look and feel very different which is delightful. In my case, waking up with a big smile on my face became a daily thing. Where once I would wake up with the heaviness that comes with self-reflection, well, actually let me rephrase that and say, an unbalanced reflection marred with shame and a little self-flagellation. Normalized trauma responses that did nothing for my morning routine for real.

There is a difference when the sounds in your head are sweet cantations of mercy, of forgiveness, joy, and of loving criticism, etc. The resounding theme song to redemption is grace instead of punishment. That kind of goodness and mercy has followed me around for as long as I can remember, I just forgot sometimes. That kind of goodness and mercy would let me say things like “Sooo… that happened” and giggle with joyful discomfort as I worked through it. It would allow me to say “I made a mistake. Ok then.” and with a learner’s attitude, allow me to bravely move on and un-become.

2.

And my personal favorite, it would allow me to say, “This shit was hard, but I am at peace with it”. That is where my smile is coming from now because no matter which way I looked at it, certain things happened exactly as they did for a purpose. This old adage may be annoying to hear and yet, it’s the roadmap to peace in how we interpret things. All that occurred truly was a masterclass, a “life class”, an opportunity we offer ourselves and each other to either be a lab partner or the lab rat being dissected so people could learn. I am at peace with that.

Take note, I didn’t say I like it all the time nor is it an open door for wanton foolishness. I said I am at peace, which means I do not always let how I feel about this process of learning cloud my judgment and take my eyes off of the bigger picture.

I am not romanticizing this at all, even though it is quite whimsical. I honestly believe that this is part of the “rent we pay ” as Muhammad Ali so eloquently stated. He believed that “service to others is the rent [we] pay for [our] room here on earth”. Service, in my humble opinion, includes being lessons to and with each other. There is so much freedom in looking at it like this.

Freedom from owning the mistakes of others as our own, and freedom to release our own hubris which can influence us to take things personally when we don’t need to. Freedom within to confidently become the best of ourselves, especially when it’s hard to do. Freedom to admit that mistakes were made, and lessons were learned and asking for forgiveness for the ways I spiritually violated myself and others.

3.

I was interested in psychology when I was in college as I have mentioned before in previous works. What I understood from the few classes I took was that the mind’s subconscious has some important wiring that we respond and react from, even without us intending to. Therefore, rewiring is part of our responsibility in order to create different outcomes.

This rather simplistic summary has helped me to try and implement a boundary with myself. What the conscious mind was doing to me, was to be the backup singer and dancer to the subconscious mind which is what they also said in these psychology books generally happens. The sounds (thoughts) going on in my head needed a boundary that only I could create and enforce. I wasn’t ready before because I thought I would need to do it all at once. But grace stepped in, the soul whispers egged me on and required once again, that I listen to everything without the need to control or prove anything to anyone, even myself.

The conversations I engage in within my mind do not sound like a boot camp anymore, with screaming drill sergeants. It used to sound like that before but that may also be because I went to a boarding school, life there definitely had a military-school feel to it. But now, the energy within my mind sounds like an amalgamation of radical truth-telling coated heavily in sweetness.

4.

Let’s be clear, I am not talking about the kind of sweetness that causes rotting at the core. The sweetness I am referring to is the kind that induces passion, enthusiasm and curiosity. A sweetness that evokes joy from within and emanates from me all the time. The kind of sweetness that is utterly selfish and yet demands selflessness because you must share it, you actually cannot keep it to yourself try as you might.

As I have been healing, I needed different kinds of medicine with different tones and textures of how I receive what I intuit. The best part of it all is I can actually assist in evicting all the “former useless tenants” a.k.a. the backup singers I mentioned earlier who lived in my head. I am not obligated, nor do I benefit from keeping them there. It is actually my duty to evict them and revel in the joy that it brings, this feeling is beyond explanation.

Moreso, what it sounds like in my head now is a resounding cheer of sovereignty. I own and gracefully wear my responsibility for that which belongs to me and try not to carry others’ burdens. I am making peace with walking away from anything when the Spirit instructs me to detach. I am blocking energies as directed by God and offering compassion where I am inspired to. I take pride in creating and enforcing boundaries, allowing for Grace where hiccups may occur.

I am unabashedly trusting the Cauldron of afro essence and the whispers of wisdom as they show up in my sphere. I am honoring and maintaining my privacy, my silence, and my solitude because there is no need to explain myself to anyone and no longer any need to prove myself to anyone either.

5.

My decision-making is enveloped in an unbowed sense of self-respect and in encouraging myself to be gentle with all the “shame triggers” that linger in the subconscious. I welcome all inner questions with graceful curiosity when they pop up and I intentionally create my own closure where it is needed. This skill has also been a great gift. And above all else, I choose radical self-acceptance and self-love in all things.

What I know now is, seeing myself as important even when I don’t feel like it is freeing. There is no “earning” my way to this destination because that would mean I would have to accept that I was not enough as I was, the WHOLE journey to whatever that destination. Like WTF.

Looking back now, it is insane that I ever thought that way! That is like limping around with a thorn in my foot waiting to remove it when I arrive home. Like hello, take the thorn out now; the journey does not have to be so hard. And yet that is the way we approach the journey, isn’t it? Removing thorns, not in spite of the pain or because of the pain, but due to exhaustion. We somehow take long suffering to be synonymous with progress, and that is not always the truth.

6.

But the suffering part, the Buddhists say we have a choice in that, and I agree…but I digress. So, what does it sound like in my head now? It sounds like my ancestors singing and cheering me on, letting me know that all my steps are covered. I remember watching a video clip with Mama Maya Angelou as she tearfully described the moment, she knew she was loved. I knew when the sounds in my head became cantations of victory and mercy, I kept dancing like my Gogo did.

Call to Action: Embrace your unique melody and walk the path of radical self-acceptance.

1. Boundary Setting: Identify areas in your life where boundaries are needed and create them without shame or guilt.

2. Self-Care Rituals: Develop daily self-care practices that nurture your mind, body, and soul (small & big things alike).

3. Celebrate Your Uniqueness: Celebrate your individuality and practice radical self-acceptance. Remember, you are love, and you are enough.