1.

The quiet kind of victory, one that sneaks up on you and whispers, “hey, that doesn’t fit you anymore” when you’re about to act from a place that is no longer yours but is a matter of reflexive response. It‘s weirdly disconcerting and calming at the same time. I didn’t always get it, but now I recognize that I mislabeled this type of victory because it felt ‘passive’.

There were moments I didn’t know I had become victorious over something that used to plague my old energy sphere because of this mislabeling. This victory didn’t hit me as hard and as fast as some lessons did before because it was a long journey full of back-to-back battles. I think I forgot I was even fighting because the battling became a norm. What I thought was still the loud noise of war had now morphed into phantom pain on its way to total calm, to peace.

It is true that some wounds take longer than others to heal, and that victory doesn’t always look like winning a championship game or becoming taking first place in a competition; it’s not just receiving a medal or a trophy. Victory could look like waking up one seemingly “normal” day and not replaying that decision I made a few years ago that landed me in what I interpreted as a regrettable position.

2.

Victory becomes listening to a friend talk and suddenly recognizing that I no longer get sucked into people’s problems. I’ve become a spectator, an observer with little to no investment in the outcome, especially for those who choose to be blind to their own mess. Victory is about not being emotionally reactive to things that don’t add anything to my life. It’s about not engaging in unnecessary and non-soul-stirring conversations because I value my energetic sphere and my time.

Victory is about taking a step toward my dreams without judgment, shame, guilt, or unwarranted pressure. It’s being able to look in the mirror and recognize that the first words that come out of my mouth are words full of utter adoration, kindness and support for the woman I am. Now, victory is being willing to start anew at any point, bruises and all. It all caught me off guard but once I figured out the root cause, I sought out all the medicine I could find. The root of the pain was unworthiness, but now I’m anchored in love. Unworthiness used to plague my old energy field until that day when I woke up aware of what I deserved and the victories I had amassed.

3.

I began to declare out loud to myself, for myself, what I deserved as I started anew:

I deserve happiness that makes me weep with gratitude and joy. I deserve people in my life who treat me and my energy with exquisite delicacy. No more callousness and no more accepting less because people feel “owed” of my attention. No more forgetting my power in exchange for friendship. I’m calling in people and experiences that is imbued in honesty, kindness, respect, grace, accountability, and responsibility as foundational attributes. I call in individuals who value their own growth and character development. Considerate and enthusiastic people, curious and humble people, individuals who are excited about life and grateful for this gift. I now embody all that it is to be the Heart of God, and it’s from this place that I create.

Whatever part of me that had adopted half-truths of Love, masquerading as unworthiness, started to crumble—a slow victorious crumble. Some areas fell apart ‘naturally’, whilst others I personally demolished over time, and the rest needed “outside help” aka rude awakenings.