1.

The choice I made to follow the writer’s path has been glorious and daunting. I read enough articles on people who started writing and they all said similar things about it. The challenges we face include editing fatigue; emotional and mental blockages; swimming and sometimes sinking in research; forgetting to write down great ideas or worse still, losing momentum about the ideas; not always being a fan of our own work, among many other things.

I went through all the above and more, until I conceded to the process of ‘blossoming’. Well, I choose to call it blossoming, but the common words used by others are “growth and development”. I am not quite sure what beliefs I held about the process of blossoming as a writer. I think it is something resembling needing everything to make sense before I shared it (a.k.a. self-sabotage and control issues lol). But when I thought about it more, it is also the pathology of being an immigrant. This one is hard to explain but I will attempt to sum it up in a sentence. The pathology is wrapped up in being required to show resilience without flaws, organization without imperfections and faith without reward. I cannot begin to explain the heaviness that comes with this but that’s a topic for another day.

2.

What I have learned through all the hiccups of becoming a writer was that I was contending with this one thought, I am in fact a writer now. Simple thought, heavy connotations! I mean, I knew the issue of unworthiness or imposter syndrome may have been rearing their ugly head here and there, but the insidiousness of it all still surprised me sometimes. But there it was, I was on my way to wearing my new skin as a writer and it took some time to own that new aspect of my power. And as most great teachers have cautioned us all, our inner self-talk is everything.

My words were either the manure to my blossoming or the poison to my un-blossoming. And as a writer, I am steeped in words ALL THE TIME, which isn’t always the shield I think it to be. That leads me to the flame lily, the flower that inspired my blog today. This was not my favorite flower, not that I had one in the first place. As a matter of fact, flowers weren’t really my thing (or so I thought). The Flame Lily is the national flower of Zimbabwe, something I found out a little later in my life (the joys of research). After a google search on what this “stunning yet lethal” flower symbolizes, among the many adjectives used, the following ones stood out.It is described as symbolizing strength; boldness; honor and tenacity.

3.

Before I knew it, I felt connected to this striking flower and its magnificence because it called out my own inner strength. There are two vantage points I wish to share with you that came from this lovely deep dive about this flower. One vantage point is purely about my relationship with myself, particularly regarding confidence. And then the other vantage point is my relationship to words as a writer.  The flame lily assisted me in being able to see both vantage points from a point of reverence, which I am grateful for. Unbeknownst to me, this flower rolled out the flame lily red-carpet for me in 2024, in all the ways that matter. Here we go.

First vantage point: blossoming into confidence. I learned that this gloriously superb flower has what they call “reflective tepals and yellow stamens” that look like flames, and it is this particular aspect that distinguishes it from the rest of the other flowers. And as it is with all plants, these flowers have their own requirements which include quality soil that is well-drained, to have light in the right amounts and humidity for them to flourish. This flower reflected my inner flames back to me in the most spectacular ways. God has been gently providing quality conditions for me to thrive as a writer, tenderly enveloping me in divine light so I could emanate it and sweetly showering me with edifying words. My confidence as a writer has been such a joy to develop and witness.

This process is as romantic as it sounds, but that is also because ‘romance’ isn’t devoid of discomfort. God remained steadfast, stern and unrelenting in his vision for me. That means I still experienced pain, resistance, frustration and anger during the process. BUT the unfurling of my maturity didn’t feel like punishment anymore. It used to feel like that before because I hadn’t yet surrendered on this next level of our journey together (God and I).

4.

This next stage of our journey together feels less like tortuous whiplash, and more like gleeful blooming, perspective really does matter, doesn’t it? I am in no way saying that this is an easy process, I am saying I no longer allow myself to be surprised by process of life. As a matter of fact, my life as an immigrant demands that I be of sober mind. ‘Surprises’ are a result of not accepting circumstances for what they are. It hurts because we wage war against them, against life instead of befriending and surrendering to it. Confidence in God, in self and in the process of life is key. It allows us to surprise ourselves and we decide to receive the miracles life has to offer. The flame lily thrives because it is adaptable, it is willing, and it is inherently tenacious. This flower can flourish inside or outside the house. Though it is a low maintenance plant, it is also a hub for pollinators (butterflies and bees). It is multifaceted like I am, and has the tools to face life, like I do.

Second vantage point: I am both potent and poisonous. This flower contains a poisonous component that can cause skin irritations and even kill. And yet it is known for its ancient medicinal components. It is considered an endangered species and rare as well. And yet, its tenacity and strength to exist is admired by plant lovers everywhere. I was drawn to it because I started to understand that I too, especially with my writing, exist within that thin delicious line, where my words have the potential to be either medicine or poison or both simultaneously. I kept wrestling with this idea. But then I also understood that it is my responsibility to continue to tussle with this thought because that is what stewardship is. In the current mainstream environment, most if not all opinions are deemed expert advice and ‘mic worthy’ and because of this, I understand why it is important for me to continue to think about responsibility as I write.  My ‘tepals and stamens’ like the flame lily, can become poison or medicine. Would they be received and recognized anyway? Isn’t that the question a blooming writer sits with?

5.

Blossoming has been exhausting because of this. I didn’t always know how to sit with this and to sit in it. I do now so let me reintroduce myself in 2024.

Hi there, my name is Tsitsi, a writer and the author of the Unbowed Spirit blog which you are currently reading (thank you by the way). I am a Flame Lily personified, unapologetically so. I now enjoy the unfurling of my life as a successful writer and blogger because it has allowed me to see myself as what my ancestors always understood me to be. I am a sojourner, living on earth to serve for as long as I get to live in it. I am a conduit for both hard truths and sweet cantations. I am here to elevate and be elevated as well as alleviate pain and suffering. I am here to love freely and fervently. I am here to learn (willingly) because the other version is more expensive quite honestly, so I try to choose wisely. I am here to live, as the gloriously superb specimen of God’s divine love that I am. I choose to be steeped in this confidence within God, within Self, choosing to honor the unbowed spirit that exists within me. I hope you honor the unbowed spirit in you and follow your path and your song, whatever that may be. It really is worth it on this side of the street.