Redefining Online Dialogue: Chocking on our own vomit
YouTube shorts are the “devil”, I tell you, lol.
1.
I already thought it was embarrassing to find myself in the YouTube rabbit hole when I should be using my time effectively. And then somebody created YouTube shorts! This space has been a world of contradictions and the most outstanding display of lazy thinking I have ever seen. It is entertaining, and informative (sometimes) and yet recently, it has been heartbreaking for a particular reason to me.
I am not one to indulge too much in social commentary, and yet the trends online, especially regarding black men and women at the moment, are disturbing and alarming. I am not sure how to handle the fact that it seems that we may be the ONLY group of people shouting at each other and calling each other names online. It’s either that, or we may be the only group whose shouting is being shoved down our ‘mainstream throats’ to keep us, as Afro-descendants, stuck yet again. This incessant belittling of one another is bastardizing our otherwise sacred scars and wounds. The “conversations,” if we could even call them that, are marred with historical trauma and current levels of self-aggrandizement masquerading as ‘truth-telling’. I am not here to absolve or criticize anyone, because that is not my intention or job.
2.
But it is too painful to watch, to see the ways in which we have decided to talk about “high-value men/women” in ways that do not actually highlight or celebrate our value as Afro-descendants. And these so-called discussions most definitely dishonor the true meaning of partnerships. Anyone with a microphone is now an ‘expert,’ but lacking greatly in effectively communicating the wounds and the solutions to move us forward. It is almost as though there is a deliberate attempt to promote forgetfulness. We must remember at the bare minimum holding a mic is a responsibility, the things that we say to each other matter greatly, honoring each other even more so.
I am not one to simplify a matter as big as this, and yet I believe, that even though we are drowning in myriad complexities, some self-imposed, it is worsened by the lack of vision or foresight. We refuse to do the one thing that actually needs to be done – acknowledge each other’s pain without wanting to be right and focus on finding a solution, together. I am a recovering man-basher (all Men included), and I can tell you that it took me having a deep personal healing journey that included therapy to finally see what my wounds ACTUALLY were. Moreover, our shared legacy of trauma as black people demands that we form alliances as Afro-descendants. Not to hurl insults across the table at each other, which is so shortsighted and detrimental to our own health, individually and collectively.
3.
I remember reading one of my favorite books, “Black Skin, White Masks,” written by Frantz Fanon (check this fantastic human out). In Chapter 3 of this book, he argued that when black women married white men, they were escaping themselves; it was a cowardly action that revealed their own self-hatred. But when black men married white women, it was about freedom and domination to show white men that they (as men, who are black) could not be subjugated. His description of the desire to be free seems to be a man’s fight against another man, and women are the instrument, the battlefield. Fanon continued on to say that “narcissism” in turn displays sexism as trapping both men and women into their bodies.
As men consider themselves to be superior and protectors, there are women who want to prove their “intellect, richness of thought and equal value.” However, I believe to be seen as a human being is to be free regardless of sex, gender, race, or any other tribalistic expectations that are most times, self-serving.What’s my main point? As Afro-descendants, we absolutely have been taught to go against each other (i.e., divide and conquer). Because we are harming each other with these online wars, and it is counterproductive and has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is clear that some black men are still in their own way wrestling their “white shadows,” trying to prove to whiteness that they are indeed men of ‘high’ value.
4.
And that some black women are collateral damage, trapped in the treacherous black as well as white shadows of gender, wanting to prove their equal value to men and other women. This is the general anatomy of the issue at hand. This does not absolve anyone of personal responsibility, nor does it victimize anyone, just so we’re clear. This is general. The specifics will reveal the spectrum on which we all have either been entrapped or are doing the work to unshackle ourselves from the narcissistic displays of our ‘black and white’ wounds.
This is meant to be seen for what it is so that we can actually face what is hindering our healing. I am saying, it is unproductive and a sign of self-loathing that we keep shouting across the table at each other without actually finding a solution. Because I can tell you right now, no one is coming to help us to stop screaming at each other. But there will always be someone willing to monetize black trauma and downplay black joy, so the more cameras, the better, right? The more eyes there will be shining on our unhealed or unhinged wounds, which are bleeding all over the place.
As we scramble for more labels to define how “men are done with women” and “how women don’t need men.” Who cares about “high value anything” when the value of our voice, our bodies, our connection to each other and of our very essence is drowning in the pained screams of how “he or she ain’t shit.” It sounds to me like we need to get our priorities straight because we are choking on our own vomit, don’t you think? Choose to be unbowed!
Call to action:
1. Engage in positive online discussions.
2. Amplify voices that are uplifting.
3. Share your own inspiring and versatile thoughts.
